Theory on Love

When you were young, you thought that having your heart broken for the first time is the worst. Nothing can compete that. Cos nothing prepared you for it. And the feelings were strange as you dont know what to call those throbbing chest pains that woke you in the middle of the night or made you short of breaths. You felt to throw things in front of you not because you're a violent person. Its just that you cant stand to have things unbroken around you. You want them to be just a little dent or broken - just like you. And no matter how often you told the stories, or repeat the incidents over your head, it didnt lessen the pain.

But life moves on and bit by bit, your heart get a little better until one day your realise that it's no longer broke.

Then you went to life feeling a little bit cocky, thinking that since you have the most hearbreaking moments, everything else would be easy.

But wait until you get your heart broken. Again. By the man that you thought you're going to marry. There is no people bad enough in the world that deserve to feel such pain. It drains life out of you and not only you are short of breaths, it took the breaths itself. The chest pain felt all too familiar, but this time you just couldnt stand it that you feel to hit the chest hard enough, so that the new pain will overtake it. But of course, that didnt work. Cos not only you deepen the pain, you're only making it worst.

You wish for the sun no to shine in the mornings. You just want to world to stop. In complete silent. So that people can pay respect with what you're going through.

But life moves on.
The sun still rise every morning
The city still buzzling everyday
And people are still walking.

And little by little, you feel better. Not because the pain has gone away, but you have learnt to live with it. You came out of it, not only stronger but also disconnected. You no longer want to invest in anything anymore.

Then over the hours, things started to pick up. New paths has crossed when everything seems to be in the perfect line. You could no longer remember how things were when things were there.

So maybe time does not heal all wounds. But it makes you forget things that need to be healed.

*inspired by some posting in twitter today*

Phenomenally Pathetic

When you heard that he would come over to join you and your friends for drinks, your heart was helplessly trying to calm itself down. The little heart was worried that you might not ready for a meeting. pathetic no. 1. It has been a frikkin year after the meltdown and of course a normal human being will find this occasion as nothing unusual. Of course you'd be ready. You have to be. You are normal and you are not one of those people that you hate. That likes the company of misery in their life. And bathe in them. No, this would be another normal meeting with anyother friends and you should not worry your litle head over it.

When you first saw him, you wanted to punch yourself for smiling to broadly. And that greeting tone of yours, why you just have to be so transparent that you have missed him all this time and you were just so glad to finally see him. And he sat next to you. You distance yourself from him, afraid that your body and his would touched and you were fighting the urge to hodl his hand. Ha! That would be funny if you did. Then the ground would swallow you, head first. Pathetic no. 2.

You acted as usual or so you think. His smell secretly sneaked up on you and you pretend that you did not smell something like love. The conversation was easy and you coud feel the bubbles of admirations were bursting within you. He is so smart. So down to earth. His laugh, his voice, his calmness. His hair was messy and he didnt look any good from the last time you remembered, but he is still the prettiest thing to see.

Why all these walls jsut crumbling down when you are with him. "How could you live without someone that you could not imagine to live without". Is dying is the option? If not i guess then you would need someone to beat you up, just to take away the feelings.

It was over it was over it was soo fucking over why cant you see that.