Christmas Wish

Him. Yes, only him. Nothing else. I dont need need or want anything other than him. I dont need any clothes, branded bags, watches, or even a car. A holiday ticket would be nice, but i guess i have to stick with my first one.

Yes. Just him. Me and him together for the rest of our lives.

So please. Let the big fat man came through the chimney, and hear my little wish.

Limit

Ah saya pingin sama dia terus.Saya pingin nikah sama dia. Ah tapi saya tau kok limit saya. Saya hanya kepingin. Gak ada yang tau. Cuman bikin malu ajah. Sekarang cuman bisa nunggu deh. Nunggu dengan hati gak berhenti berdoa supaya Tuhan gak ambil dia dari saya.

Seharusnya saya harus lebih banyak bersyukur. Bersyukur atas apa yang Tuhan udah kasih ke saya. Ketemu dia ajah udah bagus. Gak kebayang kalo belom ada dia. Bukan karena saya gak bisa idup tanpa laki laki. Tapi ibu saya yg gak bisa. Dan dia bisa bikin saya senang. Bikin saya nyaman.

Tapi kadang kadang saya suka mikir kalo dia terlalu bagus untuk saya. Dan suatu waktu nanti dia bakal nyadar kalo saya perempuan yang membosankan. Gak bisa apa - apa. Gak ada yang bisa ditonjolkan. Gak ada yg bikin saya beda dengan yang lain. Gak ada yang special. Semua standard.

Sedangkan dia?Hm..fisik mungkin standard, tapi dia sungguh pintar. Dan sangat baik. Teman yang menyenangkan dan pacar yang pengertian. Masa depan yang jelas dari keluarga yang baik. Ah betapa banyak wanita yang berharap ada di posisi saya.

Saya takut hari itu akan datang. Dimana dia akan sadar ini semua. Tapi mungkin saya akan rela. Karena saya tau dia berhak mendapatkan pedamping yang lebih dari saya.

Jadi mungkin pengharapan saya harus saya simpan baik - baik. Kalo bisa dilupain. Supaya saya bisa menikmati semua ini selagi ada tanpa beban. Saya harus tau limit saya sendiri. Mungkin dapat menikah adalah suatu hadiah dari Tuhan kepada manusia yang baik dan pantas.

Can you just be grateful for once?

I am such a grand liar. Saying things that I dont really mean, especially when i know that I mean the total opposite. AH life is hard, iguess. A constant struggle day by day. You put a different mask for different occassion and this parade will never going to end. Not unless you die. Those masks, none of it represent you. But you still wear those, just because you know that they dont really want to know the real you underneath.

The chessy, clumsy,akward, shy you. They will laugh at you. I bet they will.

Him

You never have experienced something quite like it before. This is new, you said. This never ending butterflies and fondness so great, you afraid that you might burst one day. You blurted I love you so many times but still, it will just never be enough. You pray endlessly so that He will never take him away from you. Not because you cant function without him, but you jus simply afraid of not being with him.

As being with him is the happiest. You dont know what have you done to deserve this wonderful person, and scare shitless that in an instant, he will be gone, just because you are not worthy to be granted such happiness. Or just your karma is catching up on you.

If time can be freeze, you will just have to stop here and now. Right when you lay you hand on his lap and his caressing your palm. You have more wrinkles in your face, not because you're stressed, but because you just cant stop smiling. It shows and you know it. How your eyes light up when you see him, and how your hands are always looking for his.

You will never believe, how care you have become. You used to be ignorant. But when it comes to him, you just wish that you can create a special blanket to wrap him in, so that he will never get hurt. Ever. You crave for his voice, as silly as it may sound, but you can only sleep after you do. You pray for him endlessly. In fact, he is the first on your list and then you spend more than half of the time praying, that he will be happy. You are even willingly to trade you place for him, just because you dont want him to be sad.

There this nagging feeling inside you, saying that he's the one. You didnt even believe in the concept of the One before but you just know it. Spending the night together is something to look foward to, not because of the kisses, or even the sex, but because you can hold him all night through. You burried your face on his back and your ashtma didnt left your breathless. And when the morning comes, you just wish that you can hold him some more.

You would never thought that this can be happening to you. Above all people, you thought that this can only happen to those who are just lucky, prettier or even nicer. You are really did not know why he picked you. But he did and he is just the most profound thing in your life right know.

As with him, you are at your happiest and you just want to be with him until you are old and grey, until you cant utter I love you as often as the time has take its toll on you, so you'd just hold his hand instead.

Hopes and Wishes

1. Be a better person - inside and out. Gain more wisdom, patience and faith for everything i do
2. Expertly drive the frikkin' automatic car
3. Smile more
4. Have more determination towards my job or at least have the courage to make a change that I have always wanted
5. Not to be bitter anymore, remain hopeful always
6. Be cautious but will never think about the end before it even began
7. Be more trusting - towards other people and myself
8. Love and accept my parents as they are. They'd still nag but at least they are the one that will catch me from falling
9. Find my dearest friends few eligible bachelors to date
10. and continuosly have more and more butterflies in my stomach..towards him